Strength in Adversity: Grief Counseling in Seattle for Embracing Resilience

Painting by Chelsea

I recently attended a talk hosted by ‘Return to Zero Hope’ with the talented author Emily Rapp Black, speaking about her experience of losing a child to illness. Emily writes and speaks eloquently about her experience of grief. She referenced that people commonly tell her how ‘strong’ she is and how unhelpful this was to hear. She didn’t feel strong. She spoke about the misunderstanding of the word ‘resilient’ which resonated with me because I try to build resiliency with my clients. Let’s look at the meaning and origin of the word and how it often gets misused.

Defining Resiliency

Emily discussed how ‘resilient’ means to be moldable. The oxford dictionary defines ‘resilient’ as an ability to recoil or spring back into shape after bending, stretching, or being compressed.

The Latin root of ‘resilient’ means ‘leaping back.’

This idea that resilience is a rock, stable, unmovable is incorrect. Resilience happens under influence, under stress and inherently impacts the person or objects it’s pushing upon. In order to spring back, something must be pushed so hard that it first moves backward.

Understanding resilience in this way highlights the movement and flexibility that grief creates. We can also relate it to the concept of psychological flexibility. Just like flexibility in our bodies, we must work and practice ways of being if we want to increase our range. Our brains are similar. When we build psychological flexibility, we build resiliency. That doesn’t mean we don’t bend, stretch, get knocked over, recoil or get pushed down. It DOES mean these things. And it means that we will be changed.

You may be asking yourself, Chelsea, why are you getting so nitty gritty into language? Language is often a focus in my work. Language shapes how we think and interact with the world. How we experience our internal lives is often limited by our concepts of language. We try to put words and verbal concepts to our extremely complex and intertwined inner realities. Thus, examining, challenging, and expanding our language can be an important way of changing our experience.

 Defining Strength

Similarly, to understanding resiliency, I argue that our understanding of ‘strength’ needs to be examined and challenged. The Oxford dictionary defines ‘strength ‘as: the capacity of an object or substance to withstand great force or pressure. Notice the similarities to the resilient definition. We humans don’t ‘withstand’ without bending. The bending is the hard bit. Being IN that messy, complicated, primal state of grief is so tough. In that moment, resiliency is being built. Strength is the outcome of still being here even after bending, twisting and changing.

It's okay to not be okay. Therapy can help figure out how to make life bare able without ‘fixing’ what can’t be changed. I won’t bail because it’s too much emotion or it’s too painful. I’ll show up each time focused on helping you get through today.

If you or someone you love is struggling with grief, check out my other blogs below. If you’d like one on one support, reach out and schedule a free consultation with me today.

Here’s more information about Emily: https://www.emilyrappblack.com

Check out my other blog posts on grief:

Thawing the Freeze: Grief Counseling Strategies for Building Community in Seattle

Navigating Adversity: Grief Counseling in Seattle for Coping with Medical Gaslighting

Finding Home: Grief Counseling in Seattle for Embracing Your True Family

Navigating Toxic Positivity: Grief Counseling Strategies in Seattle

Seattle Grief Counseling: Validating Your Experience with Chronic Illness

Strength in Surrender: Grief Counseling in Seattle for Embracing Acceptance

A Comprehensive Guide to Grief Counseling in Seattle

Navigating Pain: Grief Counseling in Seattle for Confronting Patriarchal Realities

6 Ways to Navigate Heartbreak with Professional Grief Counseling in Seattle

Honoring Legacies: Grief Counseling for Adult Children of Aging Parents in Seattle

If you want to learn about my other specialities, click on each one to find more. They include infertility, pregnancy loss, medical trauma, health issues, and grief.