A Seattle Therapist’s Trauma Informed Framework for Building Self-Trust
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I commonly meet clients at their lowest point or soon thereafter. Many clients discover that they no longer trust their own experiences. They don’t trust their inner realities. Thoughts are discounted or judged harshly. Emotions are dismissed or seen as ultimate truth and embodied knowledge is not accessible. This is not a judgement, but an observation of a common phenomenon I see with clients, especially those who’ve experienced trauma or chronic stress.
You yourself may find this description familiar. Perhaps you no longer trust yourself or your experiences. There are many reasons why you might find yourself at this place but know that it’s possible to heal from this disconnect. Just like you can work on building trust in interpersonal relationships, you can work on increasing trust within yourself. The following explains ways I help clients be intentional about re-building self-trust.
What Trauma Does to the Body
Trauma and chronic stress negatively impact the relationship to your mind and body. To preserve your life, your nervous system will react in predictable. Most people know this as fight, flight, freeze or faun. Part of such response can leave you disconnected from your inner experiences. If left untreated, this can lead to poor mental and physical health outcomes. Trauma and chronic stress live in the body. Ongoing hypervigilance wears down your body’s defenses and can weaken your ability to be resilient both physically and mentally. Your mind and body can become so confused that they see your own sensations as threats. These negative ramifications often compound as life doesn’t stop living and the overaccommodation for self-protection often ironically leaves you more vulnerable. If any part of your intersectional identity is marginalized, the world doesn’t typically create an environment that is conducive to healing your relationship with yourself. Even more of a reason to work on re-building or building self-trust for the first time.
How to Re-Build Self-Trust Using a Trauma Informed Lens
Keep Your Word
When you make a commitment to yourself, do you follow through? It might seem strange to think in this way at first, but I encourage you to think about it and reflect. Especially in terms of being kind to yourself, do you do what you say you’re going to do? If you decide you’re going to work on external commitments such as going to therapy, going to yoga or whatever self-care activities you choose, do you actually do it? If the answer is no, don’t add a bunch of shame to it. I invite you to just notice what comes up from you when you ask yourself this question and invite curiosity to the answer. What are ways moving forward you’d like to keep your word to yourself? What are ways you’d like to commit or re-commit to yourself and your values?
2. Tell The Truth
There are small ways you lie to yourself; we all do it. You might say ‘I can afford this’ or say ‘I’m fine’ when you aren’t. What are small ways you might lie to yourself? Either not accepting your current reality or truth? Are you honest with yourself? Can you see yourself as you are without adding judgement, narration, or assumptions? Being honest with yourself can relate to mindfulness; being present, in the moment, without judgement. Starting from your truth will help you build trust that you’re going in the right direction for you.
3. Non-Judgement
As mentioned earlier, part of being honest with yourself and your values relates to refraining from judgement around your inner experiences. There may be times when you think you ‘shouldn’t’ feel or think a certain way. That’s being judgmental of your current reality. If you start from a point, you aren’t at, getting to the next place you want to go will be super challenging. Let’s use an example: Say physically and geographically you’re in Seattle but you tell yourself you’re in New York City. If you decide to go to Phoenix Arizona, it might be hard to figure out which directions to use. I know that example may seem strange, but it shows how turned around you can become when you aren’t being honest with yourself.
4. Consistency
This can relate to keeping your word. Are you consistent in following through for yourself? Are you consistent in following through on your values and committed action? Perhaps in the past you couldn’t because of an external factor. Part of relearning this is learning to adapt and recover when you can’t be consistent for whatever reason.
5. Follow Safety in Your Body
Learning to trust your inner experiences again takes time and practice. It doesn’t happen overnight. Using a polyvagal theory informed approach, we can observe how you experience different states in your body and increase your awareness. Then, you can work to build awareness of safety cues and grow in your ability to access those cues. Your body gives you a wealth of information every day as to how it’s experiencing the world. Your nervous system is constantly taking in sensory data to process your environment. You can work on increasing implicit to explicit awareness and tap into these cues, building resources to access safety. Growing your embodied knowledge is key in rebuilding self-trust. Check out my blog post about IBS, Trauma, and the Gut-Brain Connection to learn more about Polyvagal Theory.
6. Follow Joy
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What makes you joyful? Not just now, but think about any part of your life. Joy is like a candle in the darkness. It can help lead you to where you want to go. The emotion of joy is one of many pieces of information that can help guide your decisions and actions. Do you know what joy feels like to you? A good place to start might be to go on a joy hunt and see where you can find it in your day. Then, get familiar with it, see what it feels like in your body, in your mind. This will help you build access to it and catch it when it starts to shine.
Re-building self-trust or building a robust sense of self trust for the first time requires a gentle but curious approach free of judgement. Therapy can help you get back in touch with your experiences in a safe way and meet you where you are, moving at your pace.
If you would like to rebuild self-trust, reach out today and schedule a free consultation.
Learn more about Chelsea. Check out my specialities: grief, medical trauma, health issues, pregnancy loss, infertility, menopause.