Strength in Surrender: Grief Counseling in Seattle for Embracing Acceptance
One of my favorite sayings related to acceptance is ‘let go, or be dragged.’ What comes into my mind is an old time western where someone is riding a horse, the horse bucks the person off and their foot gets stuck in the stirrup. The person is being dragged in the dirt through the street. They have a knife in their pocket and can cut the stirrup to get themselves free, but it takes effort to get it out of the pocket and try to curl up to reach their foot. The rider has a choice, they can hope the horse stops soon or they can put in some effort to try to cut themselves free. What would you do?
Photo from Unspash
Experiencing grief can feel a lot like you’re being dragged through the dirt, experiencing every pebble, twig, divot, feeling the pain leaving mark after mark. The pain of not knowing what the future holds or if you’ll ever stop getting beat up by the road can be terrifying. Using this analogy can help us understand not only the pain, surprise, and unexpectedness of grief, but that we have a ‘knife’ we can try to reach for to cut us free from being dragged. You will still feel the impacts of being dragged, cutting yourself free won’t take that experience away, but we can then focus your energy on healing rather than getting out of a hard situation.
What is Acceptance?
When talking about acceptance in the context of therapy, people often think it means ignoring pain, or dismissing experience. This isn’t accurate. True acceptance is a highly active process, focused on present moment awareness. Working towards acceptance is a process rather than a place to reach or destination. Building acceptance can be thought of as choosing an ‘open’ or ‘yes’ stance towards your world and your life, both internally and externally. An open stance internally means being open to your thoughts, emotions, physical sensations, and memories. An open stance externally means being open to places, people, and activities. What this adds up to is an openness to all that life has to offer, the good, the bad and the ugly. When we are in pain, when we are grieving, our internal and external lives are messy, ugly and unclear. As humans, we naturally want to shy away from pain. Thus, building acceptance can feel counter-intuitive at first. Over time, you’ll see the helpfulness of acceptance because you’ll live life more fully.
Building Acceptance
Building acceptance around a loss takes time. Remember, acceptance isn’t a moment, it’s an ongoing process. The opposite of acceptance is an un-willingness or rejection. What if our above mentioned horse rider was unwilling to admit they were being dragged? What would’ve been the outcome? Just because things are hard or painful doesn’t mean we can pretend they aren’t happening. Life happens whether we’re engaged or not. That rider was in the spot they were in regardless of where they wanted to be in that moment. Acceptance can start when we see where we are at in the present moment, right now, below our feet. Track athletes competing in a 100 yard dash can’t start the race until they all acknowledge a specific starting line. We can’t start moving forward unless we can acknowledge where we are starting.
Grief can feel like mud, like concrete. Okay, that is where we’ll start.
Building acceptance isn’t done by pressure, or force but through commitment and choice. As you go on to learn how to choose practices and processes that come to life with a ‘yes’ stance, you’ll start to incorporate your grief experiences into a larger story. You will start to see that what’s happened is a part of your life, a significant part, but a part none the less. You will experience ALL that life has to offer, acknowledging not only the pain, but celebrating the joy, the love and the uniqueness that your experiences have given.
If you would like an ally that isn’t afraid to sit in the emotional mud with you and at your pace, help you get back to saying ‘yes’ to life, schedule a free consultation today. Check out our other blogs about grief.
Navigating Toxic Positivity: Grief Counseling Strategies in Seattle
Seattle Grief Counseling: Validating Your Experience with Chronic Illness
Navigating Adversity: Grief Counseling in Seattle for Coping with Medical Gaslighting
Finding Home: Grief Counseling in Seattle for Embracing Your True Family
Strength in Adversity: Grief Counseling in Seattle for Embracing Resilience
Thawing the Freeze: Grief Counseling Strategies for Building Community in Seattle
Navigating Retirement Grief: Expert Grief Counseling in Seattle
If you want to learn about my other specialities, click on each one to find more. They include infertility, pregnancy loss, medical trauma, health issues, and grief.