6 Ways to Navigate Heartbreak with Professional Grief Counseling in Seattle

Mar 4

A breakup of any kind if painful, whether you’re 6 years old and your girlfriend of a week broke up with you, or you’ve ended a 30-year marriage with a person whom with you share 4 children. Divorce brings complex experiences to individuals, couples and families as people deal with not only the emotional impact of the dissolution of a relationship, but the financial and practical changes to daily life. It’s important to acknowledge that this can happen to couples who’ve been together a long time and have their lives intertwined but aren’t necessarily legally married. For purposes of this discussion, I’ll use the words divorce and breakups interchangeably. This blog post focuses on 6 strategies you can employ to better navigate a breakup or divorce. This guidance can be used in daily life to strengthen self-care and relationships.

6 Tips From a Therapist Specializing in Grief Counseling in Seattle

1. Utilize Resources and Find Support

Even if the dissolution of relationship was the desired outcome, breakups and divorce are challenging experiences. It’s a significant life shift and it’s natural to grieve the loss of a way that your life was previously. It’s important to reduce isolation and increase social connections during this time. It doesn’t really matter how you get support, it’s more important that you do. You can reach out to professionals, therapists, counselors, clergy, or professional support groups. You can also look into peer support, community organizations and other friendships. Be mindful of how many people you surround yourself with who are also going through divorces/breakups. In my experience, sometimes this can bring people down further if unmonitored and unfocused.

2. Practice Containment

Containment alludes to the fact that you need to feel your feelings, but feelings can’t overtake your life and stop you from living your day to day. I often encourage clients to schedule private time, set an alarm for however long they decide and sit in their feelings. They are encouraged to be as sad, mad, or whatever emotion as possible. They can take this time to yell, write, cry, or other forms of expression. Then, once that timer goes off, they put themselves back together and get back into their daily activities. This allows people to make sure they’re creating an outlet for their emotions, while also knowing they have that time if feelings start to bubble up outside of it.

3. Build Comfort

What makes you feel good? It’s a simple question that many people can’t answer. It reflects how quickly you can get away from basic insight into your own inner experiences. When going through a breakup or divorce, there will be painful, discomfort, and challenge. When you can’t decrease the negative, or when you’ve minimized it as much as possible, the next best step is to increase the positive. What feels good? Bubble baths? Hiking? Dancing? Reading a book wrapped up in a blanket? How do you create comfort in your mind and body? Leaning into this question with curiosity may lead you to new activities and hobbies.

4. Invest in Other Relationships

It tends to be true that when people get into a long term committed relationship, they often spend less time with other friends, family and loved ones. When a person is going through a breakup or divorce, these are the very people who end up supporting them. The ending of one relationship is an opportunity to redirect time and energy into other important relationships in your life, including yourself. When was the last time you went on a solo vacation? When was the last time you went on a trip with friends? When was the last time you volunteered for a cause, you care about? Investment in relationships can also be within your community. You can give back with your time and care in ways that maybe you didn’t have time for before.

5. Identify What You Care About

People can break up or get divorces at any time in their relationship. Many times years and developmental milestones have passed when people find themselves at the end of a relationship. It can be a helpful to re-clarify your values at this time because your life could look way different than it did previously. A great way to evaluate if you’re living by your values is to start by tracking your time for a full week. Hour by hour, how do you spend your time? Reflecting on this often elicits a gut response such as ‘yeah, I love my week’ or ‘ummm, that’s how I spend my time?’ We only have so much time and energy, where do you want to spend it?

6. Build Perspective

You can shift your perspective by shifting person, place or time. When you experience a breakup or divorce, it’s easy to get stuck in seeing only your perspective on the situation. Go through your life using these three parameters and build perspective. What other people are being impacted by this breakup or divorce? Can you put yourself in their shoes? What might they be experiencing, feeling or thinking? What if you lived in a place that didn’t afford you as many legal rights? How might your life be different? What might your world look like 20 years from now? What will be most important? Life does continue, and shifting your perspective can give you valuable insight into how you want to respond, how you want to spend your time, and what matters to you.

You may be hurting and grieving. You may be happy and excited for the future. Whatever you’re feeling as you move through a divorce or breakup, it’s normal. It’s a time of complex change in multiple areas of your life. If you’d like additional support in navigating this phase of life, reach out and schedule a free consultation today.

Check out other blog posts about grief:

Thawing the Freeze: Grief Counseling Strategies for Building Community in Seattle

Navigating Adversity: Grief Counseling in Seattle for Coping with Medical Gaslighting

Finding Home: Grief Counseling in Seattle for Embracing Your True Family

Navigating Toxic Positivity: Grief Counseling Strategies in Seattle

Seattle Grief Counseling: Validating Your Experience with Chronic Illness

Strength in Surrender: Grief Counseling in Seattle for Embracing Acceptance

A Comprehensive Guide to Grief Counseling in Seattle

Strength in Adversity: Grief Counseling in Seattle for Embracing Resilience

Navigating Pain: Grief Counseling in Seattle for Confronting Patriarchal Realities

Navigating Retirement Grief: Expert Grief Counseling in Seattle

Not finding what you need? Check out my other therapy specialities here: infertility, pregnancy loss, medical trauma, health issues, anxiety, and grief.