Navigating Pain: Grief Counseling in Seattle for Confronting Patriarchal Realities
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Depending on your unique life experiences and intersectional identities, you learned at one time or another that you were different from other people in specific ways. Some people experience this reality earlier than others in life. At some point most of us are keenly aware of the ways our identities impact our experiences. Accepting that the world is flawed, unfair and messy can be hard. As a therapist practicing for 13 years, I can tell you whole heartedly there’ve been many times when I’ve had to grieve the suffering and inequality that exist in the world.
Ask any woman or gender minority and they will likely be able to give you a recent example of how sexism and the patriarchy are alive and well. Impacts of the patriarchy and sexism ooze into every aspect of life including relationship dynamics, professional life, healthcare, you name it. I see the harmful impacts of the patriarchy daily in my work with clients. In the context of peoples’ daily lives, women and gender minorities deal with discrimination at work, not being believed in a doctor’s offices, or being with a partner who doesn’t have self-awareness (just to name a few examples). Men are also harmed by the patriarchy, setting forth unrealistic and harmful notions of masculinity. This can negatively impact the way men view themselves, how they participate in their relationships, and limit behavior to what’s perceived as ‘socially acceptable.’
Part of growing up can be grieving a world you thought existed. Look at kids that don’t get what they want, they’ll say, “that’s not fair!” As children, we see the world in black and white, which tends to be challenged as we age. Many people subscribe to a ‘Just World’ theory which assumes good things will come to you if you’re generally good. On top of being a privileged concept, it’s unhelpful. The concepts of privilege and marginalization are complex and intersectional, and being able to experience the world as a safe place at any point is a privileged position. It’s common for people to come to therapy when their world view (such as a just world theory) is challenged by life events. I will address pains the patriarchal foundations of our society cause on an individual level, and how therapy can help you move forward with power. This blog will neither attempt nor be able to cover all areas of discrimination and marginalization. I fully recognize I’m speaking in broad terms and am only speaking to gender as one aspect of experience in the world.
Ways I see the negative impact of our patriarchal society play out in the challenges people bring to therapy are vast. Here are some of the most common:
Common Impacts of the Patriarchy Seen In Therapy
Addressing family of origin issues
Unconscious biases
Internalized sexism, homophobia, transphobia.
Internalized anti-fatness
Adherence to toxic diet culture
Inappropriate guilt or responsibility taken for other peoples’ behavior
Gender discrimination in the work place
Unequitable romantic relationships
Medical Gaslighting
Minimization of needs, of self
Lack of self prioritization
Challenging the Patriarchy Through Individual Growth
Living in our society, patriarchal messaging is impossible to get away from. This makes it important that we examine what ideas, biases, and assumptions have been passed to us and decide what of that we want to take versus leave behind.
Do these ideas, biases, and assumptions help or harm you?
Can we magically wave a wand and make the world a more equitable place? No. I wish.
What we can do is shine the light on the beast we’re fighting to see it clearly and know our opponent. We can recognize the thoughts, beliefs, and assumptions we’ve unconsciously learned from this beast and unlearn what isn’t helpful. We can feel grief when we fully see the beast in it’s entirety. It’s so big, it’s so strong, it’s so long-standing. Ugh. Really?
There is a common idea (don’t know the origin) that the most audacious thing you can do is be fully yourself. As a gender minority, you are engaging in an act of rebellion by taking up space, being heard and prioritizing yourself. Men, you rebel when you elevate peoples’ voices who have less privilege than you, when you prioritize their needs, and unlearn toxic masculine traits.
Therapy can help you on your journey regardless of your gender. Therapy can help you unlearn the negative impacts of the patriarchy and be the version of yourself that builds a better world. By thriving in your unique way, you tell the world to go fu** itself.
If you’d like quality therapy to address ways you’ve been harmed by the patriarchy and work to build a life you love, schedule a free consultation with me today. Check out more about my specialties here: infertility, pregnancy loss, medical trauma, health issues, anxiety and grief.
Here are other blog posts about grief:
Thawing the Freeze: Grief Counseling Strategies for Building Community in Seattle
Navigating Adversity: Grief Counseling in Seattle for Coping with Medical Gaslighting
Finding Home: Grief Counseling in Seattle for Embracing Your True Family
Navigating Toxic Positivity: Grief Counseling Strategies in Seattle
Seattle Grief Counseling: Validating Your Experience with Chronic Illness
Strength in Surrender: Grief Counseling in Seattle for Embracing Acceptance
A Comprehensive Guide to Grief Counseling in Seattle
Strength in Adversity: Grief Counseling in Seattle for Embracing Resilience
Navigating Retirement Grief: Expert Grief Counseling in Seattle