Woman in jeans and a sweater jumping between two boulders. — Image from Unsplash by Sammie Chaffin

You might be feeling stuck or stagnant in your life, relationship or job. Making change, especially when facing the unknown can feel overwhelming. The ramifications of not taking risks to live a life that you feel good about can also slowly eat at your soul. In this blog post, through my experience as a therapist, I share some ways you can start addressing your sense of ‘stuckness’ today and start taking small, actionable steps towards a more congruent life.

1. Face The Fear

Fear is a powerful motivator. Fear can get your butt moving or keep you stuck. Usually, when movement is motivated by fear it’s intense and short lived, much like a gazelle sprinting for its life. You need the experience of fear to survive, but fear doesn’t contribute ito long-term, sustainable thriving. How do you make decisions in your life? Is it from a place of fear? Is it from a scarcity mindset where in your mind there isn’t enough to go around? What is the role fear has in your life? What if what you’re most afraid of is already happening? I often find people’s biggest fears are already happening—intense emotions of unhappiness, shame, a sense of failure or disappointment. Fear can make these things self-fulfilling prophecies. The avoidance isn’t so much of specific actions but of intense emotions. Risk is never easy but explore the risk behind never moving forward or never trying.

2. Address The Possibility of Failure

No one likes to fail, but what does that even mean? I think it’s important to define that for yourself. I used to have this Michael Jordan quote that said, “I can accept failure, I can’t accept not trying.” What if failure meant never trying? You have every right to pivot or change your mind. For many people, failure is rooted in shame, something like ‘oh no, people will ‘find’ me out.” That has more to do with unresolved shame than the chances of trying something and not meeting your goals. The difference between shame and guilt, is guilt is the idea of ‘I did something wrong’ whereas shame is ‘I am wrong or bad.’ Shame is often built from old attachment wounds, relationship challenges or trauma.

3. Identify Your Values

What gets you fired up? What could you talk about endlessly? Do you feel respected, seen, and heard? What you care about and how you live your life are unique to you. What if you were clear about your values and they guided you instead of fear? How would you dreams, goals, and actions change? Values are the foundation of your life but can be buried by fear, shame and survival. It’s a privilege to not be in a survival state constantly. There are people who live in those states simply because they are familiar, not because they’re in potential danger. When it comes to valuing yourself, you can’t expect other people to value your gift, talents, and personhood if you don’t first.

4. Face the Unknown

Falling flat on your face is a possibility. Making a game plan and a route of execution is important. And, at the same time, who knows what will happen? If you get stuck in ‘what if’s’ in a negative way, I challenge you to add to that list of ‘what if’s.’

What if….things work out?

What if…your dreams become a reality?

What if….you can live by your values.

This moment is all you have, so how do you want to spend it?

5. Being Seen

I know for many people the thought of being seen is terrifying. It can hit your inner most anxieties, fears, and re-surface old attachments wounds. As a social species, it’s a biological imperative that we ‘fit in’ with our social groups. While at the same time, your exposure to other humans has never been so vast. It’s okay to care what people think about you. Rejection never feels good. To stay sane, focused and present, you need to highlight whose opinion, trust and approval you really care about. Brené Brown suggests having a postcard in your wallet with five names of people whose opinion you care about. If someone’s name isn’t on the list, then you can work on letting go of that opinion. You can apply this to daily life or specific situations like work.

6. Examine Concepts of Identity, Culture, Worth

Concepts of identity, culture, and worth are cultivated through a complex dance between your mind, relationships, and wider context. Your family and the society in which you were raised are typically the first ones to tell you where you sit in these areas and such early messaging is powerful. As you grow, a variety of other influences continue to shape your narratives in these areas. Can you identify what some of these messages are? How do they intersect with fear, your values, the unknown, and being seen? Taken all together, these components impact your actions, relationships, and work. They impact what you perceive is possible, probably and realistic. Challenge yourself to see what you buy into. Keep what you like and get rid of the rest.

Someone recently said to me…

“I’m working on becoming who I want to be….”

I love that. Remember, you get to decide where to steer your life, not fear, nor scarcity, anxiety, or some dude on the internet. Your past, nor your future get to decide either, but you, right now have the choice to address life head on. Sometimes this is easier said than done, but with intentionality and practice, you can take back guiding your life the direction you want.

About the Author: Seattle Therapist Chelsea Kramer LMFT

Chelsea Kramer is a Seattle Therapist who works with individual and families facing grief, anxiety and trauma, with special focus on medical challenges, reproductive health, and life transitions.

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Learn more about Chelsea’s specialties: grief, anxiety, infertility, pregnancy loss, chronic illness, menopause, medical trauma

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Feel Stuck? A Seattle Anxiety Therapist Shares 6 Ways to Move Forward