Navigating Retirement Grief: Expert Grief Counseling in Seattle

Mar 19

Grief can accompany any life change. For many adults later in life, one of the most significant transitions that needs attending to is the shift to retirement. Some people don’t have the financial resources to officially retire. Some people stop working in high pace, high stress jobs and work in ‘fun’ jobs. Other transition to volunteering, traveling, relaxing, and more. Retirement looks as different as the people that experience it. In my experience as a therapist, the shift in pace of daily life, identity, social connections, and values can create significant mental and emotional impacts.

What’s the hardest part of retirement?

Work creates a natural rhythm to daily life. It’s often the framework that supports your identity, social connections, challenges, and successes. When that is suddenly gone and there is not plan in place, it’s normal to feel isolated, anxious, and down. In my experience with clients, it’s common for people to struggle with losing a natural social network. Many people saw and experienced this during the pandemic, when you didn’t get to say hi to the front desk person, the barista, or your colleague. Most of us realized how impactful those small but meaningful human interactions played in adding to the joy of daily life. If people aren’t already nurturing other social relationships, this sudden withdrawal of human interaction will have a greater impact.

As someone who works specifically in grief counseling, I also see people navigate the challenge of loosing a piece of their identity. This can be magnified if the retirement was forced or strongly urged along. We all know that ageism is alive and well and it’s not uncommon for older more expensive workers to be incentivized to retire. Early or pre-mature retirement may also happen due to health issues, company finances, or other relational factors. It’s important to cultivate different parts of your identity throughout your life, as this can be a protective factor when it comes to life transitions and loss. If you subscribe the bulk of your identity to one thing, it’s a recipe for disaster. It’s great if you loved your job or career, but it’s also important to remember you are not just your job or career. Working on this concept is called ‘psychological flexibility’ and it’s a primary way I work with clients to build resiliency. You may love this identity, and it’s still just one part of who you are.

Is it normal to feel lost when you retire?

In the west, our cultural messages around work are different than in other parts of the world. Often when we meet someone, one of the first questioned asked is ‘what do you do?’ The focus on being a ‘productive’ member of society is strong. The challenge of change, along with intense cultural messages can lead to you feeling lost in retirement. This is especially true if it was unplanned or unwanted. The concept of worth comes up a lot in my work with folks struggling with the messages of capitalism that have been deeply embedded in the psyche. You are worthy because you exist. Period. Your worth does not comes from the amount of money you make, the type of job you have or the amount of accolades you’ve received. If you’ve traditionally identified your worth and value from your job, etc., than it may be more common to experience feelings of being lost and ungrounded.

When you should reach out for retirement grief counseling:

· You’re feeling isolated, lost, or anxious.

· You’re irritable

· You’re struggling to find joy.

· You’re lacking social support.

· You’re navigating a health challenge.

· You’re coping with age discrimination.

Coping with Retirement Grief:

Identify your values today. Not what you cared about thirty years ago, or even predicting what will be important to you five years from now. Gaining clarity around your values will help guide your actions.
Build a social network outside of work. Perhaps you start investing in colleague relationships outside of work. Is there anyone you see regularly that you’d be sad about not spending time with again?
Explore your identity. Right now, take a piece of paper and draw a circle. Create a pie chart and choose what identities and what percentage of the pie takes up that part of your identity. Use this as a catalyst to explore what other areas of your life may need more investment.
Review your finances. Money carries a slew of emotions for most everyone. If you notice ‘stuff’ coming up around managing money, this can be a helpful topic to explore in therapy.

Life transitions can be scary and exciting. Getting support for your retirement transition is one call away. Reach out for grief counseling in Seattle today and schedule a free consultation.