Neurodivergent Unmasking As Part of Anxiety Therapy in Seattle

Image from Unsplash by Engin Akyurt 10/18/24

What’s scarier than feeling like you can’t be yourself? Possibly experiencing judgement or ridicule over being authentically you. As spooky season is in full swing, I thought it might be helpful to talk about the intersection of anxiety and neurodivergent masking. This is a common experience I see in my practice daily. Over half of my clients at any given time are neurodiverse. I’m not a neurodiversity expert, but I do have a lot of experience working with people navigating a world that doesn’t perceive them as ‘typical.’ Most of my clients either identify as women or gender queer, both populations that historically have been tremendously misunderstood and underrepresented when it comes to neurodiversity.

What Is Neurodiversity?

Broadly, the word neurodiversity refers to the fact that individual peoples’ brains work differently. This ultimately can lead to different behavior and diverse ways of engaging with the world. More specifically, people who are neurodiverse may struggle with things such as organization, memory, time orientation, or sensory processing. Just like most things in life, it is helpful to think of neurodiversity as a spectrum rather than a black and white binary. Common forms of neurodivergence include ADHD, Autism, and Dyslexia. The term ‘neurodiverse’ encompasses a wide range of people, processing, and behavior. Similar to diversity in gender, race, and culture, neurodiversity is part of a larger intersectional identify. People who are neurodiverse have unique skills and interests. Often neurodiverse folks are amazing problem solvers, immensely creative, intensely loyal, honest and empathetic.

What is Neurodivergent Masking?

Living in a world that calls you ‘other,’ ‘not normal,’ or ‘atypical’ doesn’t encourage you to be your authentic self. Historically neurodivergent folks have been pathologized in the US medical system. It’s a recent shift to highlight the strengths and abilities neurodivergent people contribute to society. Because of this, most neurodivergent people have spent at least some, if not all their lives masking their true selves. Masking is essentially hiding or attempting to minimize neurodiverse traits to appear ‘neuro-typical.’ Is this your experience? It’s the experience of many of my clients. Many of my clients come to therapy at a crossroads in life or a time of significant change. Being that I work with a lot of reproductive health issues, for many people pregnancy, infertility, loss, or menopause are times where previous masking skills are no longer are effective. Or, the negative impacts of years of masking become too great and something must change.

Image from Pexels by Cotton Bro 10/28/24

What Are the Impacts of Neurodivergent Masking?

It makes complete sense that you’ve tried your best to ‘fit in’ and make life easier for yourself. I ask what the long-term negative impacts of those compensatory behaviors are on your life? For many people they include the some of the following:

·      Poor self esteem

·      Vulnerability to manipulation or abuse

·      Depression

·      Anxiety

·      Self-harm

·      Suicidal ideation

·      Increased risk of trauma

·      Physical symptoms like exhaustion or chronic pain

·      Inauthentic social relationships

·      Social isolation

·      Minimizing your strengths

·      Struggling in silence

What’s the Relationship Between Masking and Anxiety?

As an anxiety therapist who mostly works with women and gender queer clients, I often see high levels of anxiety in people who’ve engaged in masking behaviors most of their lives. Having to be aware of what and how you’re thinking and behaving constantly would make anyone hypervigilant. In a way, increased hypervigilance (anxiety) can be considered a trauma response to a world that doesn’t accept your neurodiversity, on top of possible other minority statuses you embody.

Unmasking to Reduce Anxiety

Image from Pexels by McCutcheon 10/28/24

Change happens when staying the same is harder than changing. This is the time many people reach out to a therapist. In my experience, people who seek out therapy due to high anxiety often mention a recent ADHD or Autism diagnosis or identify a variety of neurodiverse traits. Part of the treatment of addressing anxiety relates to understanding, accepting, and celebrating neurodiverse traits. Unmasking is the process of letting go of those adaptive and understandable (but ultimately harmful) skills of minimizing or suppressing your true self. Unmasking should happen at your pace. No one should ever force you to do something you aren’t ready to do. Unmasking itself can be scary as we still live in a society that doesn’t completely empathize or understand peoples’ unique experiences. Part of the process is learning how to deal with situations of judgement or harm. Understanding how society and the broader culture have told you what is normal, acceptable, or desirable is the first step in deciding what of that you want to own or not as part of your values. Anxiety treatment can look many ways, however it’s important and most effective when the treatment sees you as a whole person and understand your entire context. That’s the benefit of LMFTs (marriage and family therapists) as we are trained from a systems perspective, recognizing people are complex systems within themselves and the world around them.

Reach Out to a Seattle Anxiety Therapist

You don’t have to stay stuck pretending to be someone you’re not. I can walk beside you during this journey of discovering and investing in how you want to be in the world. If you want to stop being stuck in anxiety and engage in life fully, schedule a free consultation today. I’d love to speak with you. Click the button below to schedule your free 15 minute consultation today.

About the Author: Seattle Therapist Chelsea Kramer LMFT

Chelsea Kramer is a Seattle Therapist who works with individual and families facing grief, anxiety and trauma, with special focus on medical challenges, reproductive health, and life transitions.

Learn more about Chelsea’s specialties: grief, anxiety, infertility, pregnancy loss, chronic illness, menopause, medical trauma

Learn more about Chelsea

Return to Homepage

Return to blog