7 Ways the Sandwich Generation May Need to Grieve: Seattle Grief Counseling

Image from Pexels by Sarah Chai 3/20/25

How are your parents? How are other family members you care about? Who do you provide emotional, physical, financial and practical support for on a regular basis? Do you have kids? Pets? How are you holding up?

What is ‘the Sandwich Generation?’

Your caring energy is pulled in many different directions. As people live longer, people have babies later, you may be raising children, pets, family members, siblings, along with older generations of parents and grandparents. People raising young children while also caring for aging family are considered part of the sandwich generation.

In my work, I notice a unique form of grief processing that comes with this experience. The natural flow of life is generational. The previous generation raises the younger one, you become independent and build your own life, passing on the care to younger generations. Yet, this assumption of care and idyllic comfort isn’t always possible.

In Seattle, it’s common for people to try to conceive a child later in life due to the increased cost of living and focus on building a successful career. Of course this looks different for everyone, this is only one trend that I often see in my practice. Simultaneously caring for a younger generation and an older generation at the same time is exhausting. You may have dreamt and expected to receive emotional and/or practical support from older generations.

Permission to Grieve

1.     It’s okay to be sad, mad, disappointed, or hurt

These are all normal emotions to a perceived injustice. No one dreams of taking care of their parents or other relatives. These emotions can exist alongside wanting to provide the best support and care possible to the people you love. Be honest in how you’re feeling. Consider seeking out other people in similar situations so you know you’re not alone.

2.     It’s okay to invest in family of choice

It can be hard to invest in relationships when you don’t have a lot of time. Remember it’s about quality rather than quantity. Think small when it comes to building positive interactions. It doesn’t have to mean a weekend away with friends (even though that’s great). It could be a ten-minute talk on the phone or a few texts. It’s scary to reach out both to build new friendships or maintain old ones. Most people struggle to find, keep, and maintain great adult friendships, so most likely the other person is in the same boat.

3.     It’s okay to ask for help: personal or professional

Image from Pexels by Kampus 3/20/25

Along with seeking out and maintaining a family of choice or close friendships, it’s important to concretely ask for help. This can be from friends or professionals. If someone has the resources, I encourage clients to outsource what they can. Maybe that means a house cleaner, food delivery, whatever. Don’t let your ego get in the way of asking for help. What’s the worst that will happen? Someone says no.

4.     It’s okay to screw up.

You’re not always going to do the right thing, make the ‘best’ decision, or remember everything you need to do. YOU ARE HUMAN and you are allowed to screw up. I know that’s so much easier said than done. Expect that mistakes will happen and know that you can learn from them. It’s not a matter of ‘if’ you’ll screw up, but when.

5.     It’s okay to envy others.

Few people have an idyllic situation, even if that’s what you see. Even if people are fortunate to have family help, it may come with complex dynamics and interactions. Wellness is complex and health issues aren’t always visible or discussed. You never know what other people’s situations are in the moment. If you feel envy, explore what specifically is coming up for you and see if you can seek out that specific kind of support. That’s data on what you need.

6.     It’s okay to throw a pity party.

Everyone feels bad about themselves for time to time. There is nothing wrong with this, unless you get stuck in this place. I love setting a timer to wallow in self-pity and once that timer goes off, it’s back to life and doing what you need to do. This is a form of containment and gives you permission to feel your feelings in a ‘safe’ manner.

7.     It’s okay to be ‘good enough.’

Obviously, you want to give your loved ones the best care possible. You probably want to feed your family fresh food and have nicely stacked piles of clean clothes. Of course you do. Maybe it’s time to lean more into being ‘good enough.’ Get people fed, clothed, and give yourself a new paradigm of ‘success.’ We haven’t even addressed you taking care of yourself and your own needs or challenges. It’s rare people exist without health challenges of their own.

Image from Pexels by RDNE 3/20/25

Grief in Caregiving

Being a caregiver to anyone is hard. Being a caregiver to people both older and younger than you is extremely challenging. Allowing yourself to be human and feel human emotions is paramount to meeting yourself with kindness and compassion. This will more fully allow you to be honest with yourself, your loved ones and be transparent in getting the support you need. This life phase can be both extremely challenging but also a unique chance to build intimate connections with the people you love. You don’t have to face this time alone. Schedule a free consultation for therapy today through the link below.

About the Author: Seattle Washington Therapist, Chelsea Kramer LMFT PMH-C

Chelsea Kramer is a Seattle Therapist who works with individual and families facing grief, anxiety, reproductive and medical mental health concerns.

Learn more about Chelsea’s specialties: grief, anxiety, infertility, pregnancy loss, chronic illness, menopause, medical trauma

Learn more about Chelsea

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